Hanging Out

I don’t talk much to my friends any more. Mostly we just text. Or like stuff on Facebook. Sign of the times I guess and I don’t worry too much about it. Wading in the shallow water of connection, if in fact that’s what it is. But only so much can be said in a text, and sometimes a phone call fills the need better. And of course there’s no real substitute for face to face in person quality time.

My friend Scottie and I have known each other for thirty years. We’ve always kept in touch, but between life, work, and raising families we haven’t spent much real time together. That began to change this year when he invited me down to his house in the city, and we ended up going out to Miller Union where his brother Steven is chef owner. To my taste, Miller Union is still my favorite Atlanta restaurant, and one of the best in the country. We were late arriving, and just sat at the bar and had a fabulous meal. My daughter Sophie worked here for a time, and some of the staff drop by to ask about her. Steven’s business partner Neal says he has a raise waiting should she ever want to come back. She was a food lover before she ever came here but it was this restaurant that helped shape her knowledge. It’s that kind of place. 

After the kitchen closed Steven came out and sat with us, and we shared some good wine and company. Steven won the James Beard award for best chef Southeast, and had a new cookbook out, which I was reading. The conversation turned to food, and then writing. His editor had been Anthony Bourdain’s editor, and we spoke of our admiration for Bourdain’s work, and a meaningful life cut short. It was nice hanging out, and Steven picked up the check, which was kind. Afterward Scott and I walked up to Northside Tavern, one of Atlanta’s great dive bars, and caught a really killer band doing Allman Brothers covers. All in all, an evening well spent, and we made a promise to get together again sooner rather than later.   

So a few days ago I get a message from Scottie. He’s in the movie business and they’ve just wrapped filming one of the latest Marvel wonders, Guardians of the Galaxy I think. He has a couple of free days, and by coincidence I was just packing to go up to the mountains. I give him the address and invite him up.

We get there about the same time. The sun is going down and it is a beautiful evening. Clouds are rolling in from the Cohutta, turning from purple to orange, and we pull up chairs on the deck and open cold beers. And as the sun sets and stars come out we talk. About our lives, our families, children and spouses. About our fathers, both gone, and the things they taught us. Or didn’t but should have. Because we’re fathers ourselves now and, with hindsight, have been given another shot at it. 

We talk about music, movies, and books. Guitars. Stupid stuff we’ve done. Bad behavior and good. Remember friends not with us anymore. And we cook. I pan fry some chicken and make a sauce for it. Scott has brought some vegetables from his garden and we roast those in the oven with a little olive oil and butter. And we eat that together and continue talking over dinner, and then back out into the night, where the sky is as full of stars as I’ve ever seen it. Thousands and thousands of them stretching over the dark mountains.

It’s 3 AM before we finally go to bed. 

The next morning I fill the bird feeders and we sit on the porch with coffee, watching them with their breakfast buffet. Cardinals, finches, chickadees, just happy to be there. Singing, squabbling for position. We both have some work to do, just morning taking care of business stuff, and we work quietly, friends easy in the silence as the day warms up.

Later, after Scottie leaves I give it all some thought. How much catching up we fit into the short time together. The back and forth, the ebb and flow, of conversation. How none of what we talked about or shared would really fit in a text. The things that needed to be said. Even the silence. Reflective silence is a hard thing to text. A smiley face emoji doesn’t really communicate the joy of a real smile, the sparkle in the eyes of a friend or lover. 

Now I’m no luddite, and love my smartphone. All the ways it eases my life. The convenience of it. The ready access to information. Weather, music, the effortless google. Texts are fine and easy and serve their purpose. The spam calls I could do without.

But I’ve enjoyed having my friend visit, sharing a meal, drinks, and conversation. In person. I take a minute to shoot him a quick text, just saying how good it was to see him. And come visit anytime.